I do not have a great relationship with my mum. I don’t why, it’s always been the same. Some people think it started when I got pregnant as a teenager, but I know it started a long time before that.
I sometimes get the feeling my mum doesn’t like me. I don’t know what it is. It could be the back handed compliments I get:
“Ooh that’s a nice outfit, didn’t know they did it in that size.”
Or Could be the advice I get about my life:
“I just don’t want you to become a spinster.”
Or could be that fact that she has told me in the past that:
“I love you, I just don’t like you right now!”
Take your pick.
My mum is a strong character. She makes Margaret Thatcher look like Bella from Twilight.. eugh! She is very independent, doesn’t suffer fools gladly and I respect her for that. She brought us all up to be independent and strong willed, but in doing so, I think some of the nurturing got lost.
I sometimes envy my friends who have an incredibly close relationship with their mums. They don’t have the passive aggressive arguments we do. (I’m not gonna lie, I do enjoy a sarcastic comeback!) I envy the closeness some of them have and the way they tell them everything…and I mean everything!
Maybe we are too similar, maybe that’s the problem? Maybe I am my mother, just 30 years younger with bigger boobs. Maybe it happened and I don’t see it. I have always said I’m not a natural mum, parenting does not come easy to me and when people show me pictures of their babies I’ll probably reply with “that’s a nice sofa!”
I’ve always said my mum is not a bad person at all, she’s just not a natural mum and I guess that’s ok. I have a mum who loves me. (Ok tolerates me) and cares in her own way. I’ll never be close to her and she will never stop telling me that I don’t need second helpings, But she is my mum and she is always there, so I’ll take that.
I gotta go….. My mums coming over and I’m nowhere near drunk enough!